ini blog mida

 What do you do if you know your words are the reason I cry during moments when I should be having fun? Your words are the reason my heart feels heavy. Your words are the reason I can't sleep at night. It bothers me and lingers. I keep thinking and rewinding the things I did wrong, wondering if my mistakes are too big for you to show mercy, or if your words could just be a little nicer. ​Your words are the reason my weekends are dull. Your words are the reason I don't want to move forward. Your words are the reason I feel like quitting. And in case you wonder, your words are the reason the good relationship we had is now severed. ​I wish it didn't hurt. I wish it didn't linger. I wish it didn't bother me. I wish I could just ignore it and move on. But what can I do when I have a fragile heart? I am weak against words. You could tear my body apart and I would still survive and wake up. But with just a few words, you can kill me inside. Now, here is my body with no so...

Post lama dari notes sempena hari ayah. Pagi tadi berkesempatan ziarah kubur Ayah. Dan masa cabut rumput adik cakap "Mana Ayah ni. Kenapa dia tak mesin rumput" Ya kalau Ayah ada Dan sihat mungkin takkan ada rumput panjang disekeliling rumah.  -- Semalam aku nampak ular ni dalam rumah. Aku ingat dia da mati sebab dia statik. Aku pergi tandas macam biasa. Lepastu aku ambik gambar. They say no picture it does not happen. So aku ambik gambar then sambung mandi. Sebenarnya aku tak tahu nak buat apa....seumur hidup aku bila ada situasi macam ni aku hanya jerit Dan panggil Ayah atau ibu. Tapi aku nak cakap dengan siapa ni.....aku mandi pakai baju lepastu aku tengok....dia da hilanggggg. Panik mula datang. Aku bagitahu laki aku. Entah tak tahu mana. Tapi sebab dia kecik aku biarkan je. Aku sembur bygone harap dia gone. Kalau tak gone harap aku jumpa dia Dan boleh buang je. Situasi ni buat aku sedar betapa aku bergantung pada Ayah...banyak benda aku kena belaja...

You know why I distance myself with some people. Some just happens, some due to petty things but most of all due to moments...you know that exactly after 25 days of giving birth to my daughter, I lost my dad. During those times it was the hardest for me, dealing with my postpartum and losing my dear dad. I remember those moments and people who are there with me. When I was alone with my baby at home. When I was there at home while my dad being buried. The hardest moment in my life and only few people are there with me. How some people I thought will be there for Syifa and see her growing up is actually doesn't even bother to ask about her. How hard it is for me dealing with everything and the only thing people remember is me not being there for them. I bet they were struggling too during those times. So they can't be there for me. Probably it was the same for them. I should tolerate it. How about feeling excluded? Lahhhh, probably my fault. I don't have courage to drive. I ...

Hai. Aku nak tulis dalam bahasa melayu untuk post ni sebab malas nak tulis English. Aku sebenarnya tak sangka ada orang masih baca blog aku ni. Tapi benda awam ada kat internet kan. Manalah tahu, sekarang zaman Ai. Siapa je baca blog. Aku sendiri da tak baca blog. Entah sampai bila blog ni akan bertahan ek. Sayang betul post aku da bertahun. Aku cuma datang sini menulis balik sebab benda ni buat aku rasa lapang sikit..kalau tak sempit dan bising otak aku ni. Macam biasa lepas intro meleret baru kita masuk topik asal, Pesta Buku Antarabangsa Kuala Lumpur 2026. Tahun ni aku buat keputusan pergi pesta buku minggu kedua dan berjalan solo. Sebab Syifa Amani di fasa meneroka yang susah nak dikawal dalam stroller. Berdasarkan berapa pengalaman juga, stroller tak sesuai di pesta keramaian macam ni. Itupun aku curi masa waktu lunch kerja kat rumah sebab tak boleh nak cuti. Aku seronok ye kali ni sebab aku masuk ikut pintu yang lain dari biasa. Aku dapat jumpa pameran antarabangsa dan jumpa bany...

I won an award today. A recognition at work. It leave me speechless that I was nominated and even so win as Brilliance Team. 2 years in this role, I work alone, endure nagging from senior, dealed with hard people and finally find the right people. All the process it is not easy. I once get the sam award with different team, the same Idoc team and people I work with 4 years. But this one is different. Never thought people would appreciate and even notice my hard work. It's all rezeki. Allah SWT mudahkan semua urusan. The reason why we won this is because we handle more than 400k records. Manually. It's definitely not easy. 1am I still wait data to be load. 10 to 20k each time. With the dateline, with the event at the office. We handled it all. And my manager definitely see that. Thank you for being good manager to us. It is just nothing happened magically. Thank you my partner at work. My manager. My teammate. My husband that always understand when I just grab food or tapao inst...

I should start write again. I have a lot in my notes. My mind never been quite anyway. I just have so many excuses on why I stop writing and posting. When my mind become too loud then I decided to write in my notes. Make my head clear. I just need to find a safe space to do it. -- Come to the tittle, yesterday I tried make a ciabatta. Never once try it but it seems easy so I just try. No harm right? It come out delicious. Best sandwich bread. Better than focaccia. So now in my list I want to try English muffin and bagels. Can't wait. I never thought I can make bread now that I can. I'm impressed on myself.