Life Lesson : Plan

Bercakap soal merancang. Aku adalah manusia yang obses merancang. Mungkin disebabkan faktor kedudukan dalam adik-beradik sebagai anak sulung banyak mempengaruhi. Semua benda dalam hidup aku, aku kena rancang. Apa aku nak buat, apa aku nak pakai, bila, semua lah. Kalau nak pergi sesuatu tempat, tempat mana nak pergi, nak cari apa, pukul berapa, naik apa. Honestly, I'm a good organizer. Aku boleh tolerate dengan last minute plan bila aku memang takde plan. But when I have one I will always stick to the plan. Aku rancang apa aku nak buat from the beginning. From time to time. I keep on planning my life. I was obsessed with what I want to do 10 years from now. How I want my life would be. Then I will always be accompany with worry. The worry and what if's. 

So, recently something happened and hit me really hard on the face. Sebelum aku konvo, I keep worrying this and that. One point I stop worrying and just let things happen. Have faith. And Alhamdulillah things happened smoothly? Part of it. The part of my loved ones, my family and my friends were there on my convocation day. I am happy to see them. The part didn't go like I planned is I want to take a lot of pictures. But that time semua benda kelam kabut. Duduk lama dalam dewan with protocol sangat membosankan. Kalau boleh keluar awal, I think I will have much fun. 

But before that, long before convocation I've already planned for my pre convo. Tahu tak sebelum aku konvo.... sebelum ni lagi. Masa belajar lagi, I was planned nak tangkap gambar dengan Mas & Kina, hoping that masa ambik jubah nak jumpa and everything la......at the end. None of them like what was I planned. I met Kina on hari ambik jubah. She has her own group of friend and I have mine. I knew that was going to happen so I wasn't hoping or get so disappointed. But then, I planned to have my own pre convo pictures since I don't really have good friends during my degree time. Honestly, I was a lot of lone ranger. People come and go in my life.

Along my degree journey, I made few friends at UKM but in the end of the day, when I need a shoulder to cry, I will always go back to my best friends back home or anyone I know long before degree time. Long before UKM. I planned to have picture with my convo robe dekat SMK Gombak Setia (my old school dari form 2 sampai form 6) and my primary school. I went there with my friends. Tangkap gambar and everything. I even already planned what caption I want to write when I post the pictures or print a photo book and write a story about it. But things again, doesn't happened like what I was planned. The memory card suddenly corrupt and all my pictures there GONE. like fuhhh. Disappear and never make any appearance. I was sad. All of that. I came with another plan nak sedapkan hati. Since aku pulang jubah awal, aku pinjam jubah Maryam. Thank you babe. Aku ajak adik aku pergi kandang kuda around the house, lepastu ramai orang pula. The place changed a lot. Sekali lagi. Things are not happened like what I was planned. But we still going on find a place, we find one...Using my old digital camera. Ambik je mana yang ada. Nasib baik my adik was not really bad at taking pictures. My camera pun not bad, but not as pretty as advanced camera. Da 5 tahun kot kamera tu. I edited the picture on my own using adobe lightroom in my phone. And the pictures goes fine as I expected. I told myself to be redha. It's not my rezeki and everything despite my mind keep on thinking If's but my old teacher once said "Kalau ni permainan syaitan".... and I learned a lesson. 

Aku hanya mampu merancang. Tuhan yang menentukan. His plans always better. I don't know what was coming for me from this. But I have faith it was good one. Allah SWT has a better plan for me. I learned, I can't always plan. I can plan, but I can't put high expectation and hoping everything will follow as I planned. Nope. I'm not a God. I just a human being. I can't control everything. I have to learn to let go things I can't controlled and let things happened like what it was meant to be. If it meant to be, it will always find way and it will happen. Here I am. Still planning but always prepared if things doesn't go like I planned. Prepare to be sabar. To be redha. To have faith in Allah SWT planning. We usaha, doa, tawakal. If things doesn't go well as we planned, at least we try our best. We have no regret if things is not like what we've planned. I rather regret the things I have done than regretting the things I should have. Sebab tu kot aku jumpa orang yg follow the flow. Supaya aku chill back sikit.