Harder
It is harder than I thought guys. I thought I will be okay, but the first day I already feel so wrong. I started to worry. I don't know guys. I keep questioning myself. At this time I feel like no one understand me. Really. I just need a support. But most important thing I need to convince myself.
Susah nak mula semula. Bila da umur macam ni rasa macam leceh nak start all over again. Whether it is new place or environment to stay, or new work or friendship or relationship. Sebab tu ada orang stay bertahun-tahun buat kerja yang dia benci, buat kerja yang sama, masih bertahan dengan pasangan walaupun sebenarnya sakit sebab dah selasa dan penat nak mula semula.
When all the negative thought come and kicking it is really hard. It makes me feel like I want to cry, I want to scream out loud. I don't know. The thought of 'kena cari kerja lain' 'kena pergi interview' 'berapa lama it will take?' ' can I really do it' Days like this make me doubting on myself. I'm on the verge of breakdown.
Huarghh I really feel like I want to cry. Can I allow myself to break and cry. Can I be weak for a while? Okay guys, I'm done screaming with my pillow covering myself and listening to Sam Smith breaking up song. Please know that I'm not complaining. Okay Mida, it's just day one. Be cool. Be patient with His plans, be patient with yourself. Okay Mida?
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