I QUIT

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I quit my job. Yes I said it. After 9 months working as temp staff. I decided to quit and not to continue my contract anymore. Not because they don't want to but because I think it's time. It is a hard decision for me. People keep asking me " da dapat kerja lain ke?" "kenapa tak sambung je sampai dapat kerja lain?" I have consider everything before I decided to quit. Please note that it's not easy for me. I love the environment, if I hate it I would quit at the first 3 months. I was promised to be convert as permanent but after 9 months. Nothing in progress. Things still keep in view. My senior manager once tell me to be firm. I see no where I can go anymore. I need to go fast. I need to grow. I need to learn a lot more. I can't sit still any longer. It's easier said than done. 

So, finally I decided to quit. Without any offer yet. But I think I need to quit in order to move. You know one of the quote in Hlovate book said "you need to cut yourself in order to let the bad blood out". At some point in your life decision is hard to make but you have to get through it. You have to move forward in order to know what waits in front of you. Being stuck in comfort zone not gonna help. It is a lot of thing I have learned for the past 9 months. How private sector works, what is "politik kerja", I learn all the littlest thing and most important thing I learn a lot about people. I get used with Bukit Bintang area. I meet new people. There is a lot of thing you will see and learn, but it's never being taught in school or university. It's degree about life and it needs experience without exam. You just learn and learn to be better. There is no right or wrong, grades, it just how much you work for it and what you really want at the end, The most important thing at the end of the day, no matter how much you earn, deep down in your heart you know that you wanted to be happy. Enough of that. 

Now, back to the question I get over and over again lately. " da dapat kerja lain ke?" "kenapa tak sambung je sampai dapat kerja lain?" Nope because I don't want to. I know it is hard to get job these days, I know it very well because I am one of the many people who travel 1 hour and a half to go to interview and waited another 1 hour. I am the one who get rejected in the interview just because I have big dreams and my current job not suitable with the job I'm applying. I keep dua' and saying to myself. Allah SWT has better plan for you. If one door closed, another window is open. And I always believe that something better awaits for me. Sometimes the keberkatan over everything. Allah SWT let me wait a bit longer because He wanted me to have the best. He knows what is the best for me and what I can bear. He put me in the middle of Bukit Bintang so I will be familiar in the place I have never been. He gave me a warm environment so I can always be grateful and never be too stressful with work. I always have faith in Him.

 First thing first if you ask me what I want to do after I quit, I need to figure things out first. I need to rest mentally. After I finished my intern end of August last year, I have been pushing myself too much to prove to people that I am the MOST EMPLOYABLE GRADUATE when the actual thing is I need to take a break for a while. To reflect myself. I don't have much time for that. With all the circumstance that happening that time, I am taking the offer just because of people expectation and I want to escape with a lot of thing that pressure me. I wish I would take as much time as I need but it's okay I will have it now. Money always be the problem. Money matters. For the time being, I think I have enough. Enough to survive, but not for too long. Unless I do part time or freelance job. I need time to think and plan what I want to do with my life, how, and what the heck actually I want in this dunya. My mind is a mess, I have a lot in my mind, I want to do this and that but I can't because it just in my mind. No action taken. 

Here I am writing this as an explanation and reminder for myself in case I lost again. I want to learn mandarin, learn how to play guitar, I want to be healthy and go to the gym. I want to do a mini garden, I want to learn more about freelancing, how to improve my design skill, how to use Wacom, how to be serious in doing freelancing. I want to write more, I want to share to the world about my thesis and the finding, my module, hoping that it will contribute to society. I just want to feel alive again, I just want to be happy. I want to do things that makes me feel happy. 

I think after taking time to live and breath again, I pray that I can figure out what actually I want. What kind of career or job I want to. Where I want to go. How far I want to go. Where I see myself for another 5 years. I need to consider all the things already.  I am here ready to take the risk. The risk to grow and be better. The chance to learn. It is not wrong to choose your job, you are actually choosing a career, choosing things to do in your life, I need to consider where this job taking me, how much I can learn and grow. Can I be grateful in any ways by doing this job. I have to stop thinking about people expectation and try to satisfied them. It is not worth it. It is not worth it to listen to people because you are the one who going through it alone by yourself. It is not worth it to spend your life doing the job that you hate. It is time for me to decide what I want to do with my life. I want to develop my full potential. I want to push myself to the limit. I want a job where I have the power to make a decision, where my opinion matter. I can't no longer be someone who just sit when my mind is full with all the ideas but I don't have the right to speak or make changes. I want to be the best version of myself. That's it. I have decided and there is no turning back.

Thank you for reading. Tulis dalam BI sebab da lama tak rant dalam fully english. 

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