ini blog mida

Growing up, I'm trying so hard to make my parents proud. Just to get enough attention from them. The only thing I'm good at is study. So I study hard. My exam result always excellent, when I was 13 I got offered to boarding school, when I was 16 I got federal scholar until I was 19. When I was 20, I get 4.00 in one of hardest exam in the world, make it as one of the best student in the country, I got offered in one one the best research university and even another scholarship. My parents don't have to worry about money anymore because I got all figured out. When I was 16 I was offered to one of boarding school to further my study in fashion, but I want to make him proud so I take pure science, when the fact I'm not good at it as much as art.  Can't you see I'm just trying to make you happy and love me. But my life as not as smooth after study, I admit my rezq at work not about money or designation but more to the environment. Maybe my luck not much on that but o...

18.10.2020. Kali keenam tarikh ini memberi makna. 6 tahun lalu di mana bermulanya cerita tentang kita. Jika 5 tahun yang lepas pada tarikh ini kamu hanya seorang teman lelaki. Pada tahun ini, kamu bergelar tunang. Officially it has been two months already. Kelakar sebab masa mula bercinta pun masing-masing tak pernah keluar soalan cliche seperti "mahukah kamu menjadi teman wanita/teman lelaki" it just happens. Sebab itulah sehingga hari ini, tarikh ini yang kita rai kerana masing-masing tak tahu saat tepat kita sudah jatuh cinta. Macam juga soal kahwin, takde jambangan bunga mahal berlatar belakangkan restoran mewah. Hanya pesanan Whatsapp "tahun depan kita tunang mau?" semudah itu. Seminggu sebelum ulang tahun aku dengan mudahnya kamu menghantar pesanan melalui Whatsapp "masa birthday you I cuti, kita pergi beli cincin" . Mudah bagi aku tapi entah berapa kali agaknya fikiran kamu terganggu memikirkan bila waktu yang sesuai untuk menghalalkan cerita kita....

Now, who is going to listen to me? I am happy to listen but I realize how tiring and mentally draining it was when you only do the listening but no one actually listens to you. I do have my doubts, worries, insecurities but who is going to listen now? That what I'm asking myself this morning. It was really nice if you can listen to it and also spills. We always focus on talking and not listening, it will make a huge difference if we start listening and pay attention. It is easier to give an opinion when things are easier for you. I don't judge your struggle, I get that everyone has their own struggle but sometimes please understand that people don't need an opinion unless they ask for it. Listen and be there sometimes is more than enough. Akhirnya, sendiri memujuk hati yang Allah SWT mendengar, Maha Mendengar. Maha Tahu walaupun yang dibisik dalam hati. Tak perlu jerit, Dia tahu. Dia dengar. 

Bila tengok sale dimana-mana macam seronok je. Macam rasa nak membeli. Bukan sebab keperluan tapi sebab kepuasan. Nak kata banyak duit tak juga. Dulu mungkin aku akan beli tanpa berfikir panjang tapi bukan sekarang. Aku rasa banyak faktor yang diambil kira sebelum nak beli sesuatu terutama yang namanya pakaian. Faktor usia atau kematangan. Kedewasaan ini sense fashion akan perlahan-lahan berubah, pemilihan jenis baju, pemilihan material, pemilihan warna. Nilai kosmetik bukan lagi jadi keutamaan. Keselesaan diletakkan faktor utama. Persekitaran kerja juga memberi kesan, da kalau kerja bahagian warehouse susah ya nak pakai lawa-lawa ni. Lagi pula pergi balik kerja jalan kaki. Kasut yang paling selesa; sport shoe. Flat BO walaupun cantik dan 2 RM80 tapi tak jamin keselesaan. Takpela terima kasih. Bukan tiada kasut cantik untuk ke event tertentu tapi cukup da rasanya?  Lifestyle pun perlahan-lahan semakin berubah. Sneakers atau sport shoe. Nak nampak casual pun cukuplah sandal. Pemilih...

Hello everything. Today is day 8th of Control Movement Order in Malaysia. Guess what? We are not at the end of 14 days but we already be informed that it will be extend to another 14 days. So the CMO will finish (hopefully) by 14th April 2020. Despite of whatever we thought and complaining but in my rational thinking I think this is for the best. 31 March adalah tempoh yang terlalu singkat untuk menamatkan tempoh Perintah Kawalan Pergerakan berdasarkan graf kes baharu Covid19 di negara kita masih lagi belum menurun atau kata statistiknya 'we still not able to flatten the graph'. Semua orang boleh menjangkakan keadaan ini. Tiada siapa perlu disalahkan. Kerajaan sedang cuba yang terbaik. Malah bukan kerajaan Malaysia sahaja tetapi seluruh dunia sedang mencuba yang terbaik. Tiada siapa yang bersedia menghadapi musuh halus yang tak nampak dek mata kasar ini. Begitulah.  Aku suka bait doa yang dibacakan oleh Perdana Menteri Malaysia ke-8 tengah hari tadi. Ayat paling aku ra...

Aku terdetik nak tulis ni sebab ada orang pernah kata"you ada masalah apa je mi" dia cakap begitu hanya kerana aku tak tulis karangan panjang tentang masalah aku dekat media sosial yang dia boleh nampak. Hanya kerana aku tak tunjuk dan tak cerita bukan bermakna aku takde masalah. Hanya kerana aku gembira sentiasa tak bermakna tiada perkara yg merungsingkan. Hanya kerana aku tak berkongsi dan beritahu satu dunia aku stress tak bermakna aku selesa. Setiap orang ada masalah dan struggle sendiri. Setiap orang juga punya pilihan bagaimana mereka mahu hadap masalah mereka. Mempersoalkan seseorang mempunyai masalah atau tidak sebenarnya bukan hak kita. Bila mana kita berkongsi juga buka semua orang akan bersimpati dan berempati. Mungkin ada yang mengatakan padan muka dalam hati. Bukan cuba bersangka buruk tapi realiti mengajar kita bukan semua manusia akan bersikap telus dan jujur di hadapan kita. Tak semua akan sedih bila kita sedih. Tak semua juga akan gembira bila kita gembi...

Bahan-bahan 2 cawan tepung gandum 1 cawan serbuk koko 1 cawan minyak masak 1 cawan air suam 1 cawan susu pekat manis 4 biji telur 1 cawan gula 1 sudu esen vanilla 1 sudu soda bikarbonat Cara memasak 1. Selalunya aku campur semua bahan kering dahulu. Gaul bagi sebati.  2. Masukkan bahan basah mula dengan minyak, susu, air, telur &esen vanilla.  3. Gaul bagi sebati takde ketul-ketul.  4. Masuk dalam loyang yang dah letak dengan majerin dan tepung.  5. Masak dalam pengukus lebih kurang 40minit. Panaskan dulu pengukus sebelum masuk.  6. Nak tahu masak ke tak, ambik lidi cucuk. Kalau takde bahan yg melekat maknanya da masak kalau cair lagi. Biar dulu.  7. Topping ikut suka. Selalunya akan cairkan coklat masakan(double boild)+butter+susu. Then boleh letak chocolate chip atau chocolate rice. 

We know each other from Koperasi sekolah. I was living in my own bubble at school until I was from 4. I start to work at school cyber cafe. I'm starting to know people. After we know each other Aqilah told me her first impression to me was "akak blogger sombong". She said once she commented on my blog but I never reply. I told her that I don't even remember her comments on my blog. Must be because at that time I have a lot of comment from people blog walking until I didn't notice her. I am sorry. That just her first impression I believe it changes. Kan Qila? Hehe.  Everything starts with PKS. Macam-macam benda buat dan lalu sama. Nak tahu tak, I have sisters (younger sister) but I never close with her. These days we don't even talk to each other at all. Like strangers in the same room and house. I don't know how and why we just don't talk to each other anymore. Having Aqilah and friends, also other juniors make me feel like I really have a s...

I am learning to accept things. I am taking my time to sort things out especially things that linger in my mind. There are so many things that make me wake up in the middle of the night and torture me. Also, the things that make me hard to sleep. I am trying to accept that there are things that we can't control. We just need to face it with courage. I cried so much lately. I burst out in front of people easily. I wanted to heal. I wanted to be happy. But I need time. To accept things, I have heard these 3 tips from someone who lost people that she loved dearly. 1. Sabar. Whatever it is. Sabar. Indeed Sabr is beautiful. It is easier to said than done. Sabr is a very easy and simple word but very hard to do. To be patient with whatever comes. The good and the bad. The unexpected. To be sabar with whatever Allah SWT plans for you even it is not what you wanted. 2. Redha Redha is accepting. This one is harder than sabar. Because you need to learn to accept things. To a...

Setiap yang hidup akan merasai mati. Belakangan ini terlalu banyak berita kematian yang mengejut. Mati itu pasti tidak bersyarat sakit atau tua. Sampai waktunya sesaat takkan lambat atau cepat. Ianya tak menunggu sesiapa. Death of people makes us reflect a lot especially the one we never expected. How short our life is. Yesterday we might be enjoying our life with our loved ones without knowing that tomorrow they not gonna be with us anymore. I give a lot of thought about this. Thinking about how you end in this temporary world? I always pray for khusnul hatimah but am I working towards it? What is the deed that can save me? Whenever we feel tired of this world and thinking of death might the end of all this. Hold back and think again. Have we done enough in this world? Death surely is not the end for the believers. Bila melihatkan kematian yang baik seharusnya menjadi pengarajaran buat kita. Adakah kita sudah cukup bersedia untuk menghadapi kematian yang datang pada bila-bila m...

5 tahun lepas aku ada review buku 7 Tahun 7 Hari oleh Diana Nuzuin. Lepas 5 tahun DN terbitkan buku baharu LIAR. Aku tak tunggu da, malam dia release aku terus beli. Keesokan hari selepas buku sampai aku terus baca. Bila start baca perasaan aku mula bercampur-baur. DN berjaya tulis setiap perasaan aku yang tak terluah dengan baik. Aku tak tahu macam mana but somehow aku rasa relatable? Aku bukan rasa aku faham tapi aku suddenly rasa difahami? Setiap tulisan entah macam mana membuka luka-luka lama. Bila habis satu chapter aku termenung. Aku terimbau benda lalu lepastu aku tanya kenapa sama rasa ni. Kenapa aku ada rasa ni. Kenapa kau rasa nak tulis juga. Overall look, kemas dan cantik. Cover dan penanda buku sangat cantik. Aku lebih suka kertas recycle berwarna coklat kerana rupa dan baunya tapi aku rasa kosnya pasti lebih mahal. Ini pun sudah cukup baik. DN ada buat satu playlist kat Spotify untuk dibaca dengan buku ni. Aku rasa sesuai semua lagu dalam playlist tu. Entah kenapa...

you forget how to love me didn't you? Do you feel out of love? Let me ask you when and why? you forget how you fall for me. your forget who will be there for you. you forget who's been loyal to you. you forget who will give up everything for you. you forget someone that love you so much. you forget your promises to her. You forget the plans you made with her. you forget you once miss her. you forget how much she look beautiful in your eyes. You forget the smile on her face. you forget how she will tolerate with your silence. you forget. you forget that you use to ask if she is okay. you forget how hard for her to open her heart for you. you forget that no matter how strong she is. she still need someone. you forget how far we come. you forget about us. you forget that she will never forget.

I don't know why this video relates to me so much. Lately, I hurt so much by people's words. People that I loved and I trust. Too many broken promises. I always keep quiet, but when I can't hold it anymore I burst out into tears. Sometimes I just can't let it out because I am afraid what I am about to say will hurt other people but I am the one who hurts. I just hope to heal.  "My dear, I pray you heal from words that hurt. I pray you heal through God's word. But most of all, I pray you heal from things no one ever apologised for. AA"

declutter  / diːˈklʌtə /:  remove unnecessary items from (an untidy or overcrowded place). Last weekend, I just did some decluttering. Actually, it has been quite some time since I decided to do some decluttering. I take it slow but eventually, things start to pile up but it doesn't really feel good. Last year I bought a chest drawer. I tried to reduce the things I have. I have unused books ready to be donated, clothes, shawls, bags, accessories to give it away but I don't know days after days, weeks after weeks things staying there and not moving. So last weekend I decided I'm gonna get rid of these things. I just knew that we can donate our books to the public library. They will reselect the books and if the books can't be put on the library shelf they will give to NGO. This is really good for people like me. I still have my own collection. The book that I really love and still not ready to let go. I put it in the boxes since I don't have a bookshelf to pu...

I want to tell you the good news. Now suddenly I have posted two blog posts during the time trying to heal. I feel better actually posting it here than spilling out Twitter but look like you just need attention. I don't want to be that kind of girl. This is my goal now I want to try to post a blog post every Monday. Why Monday? Monday always associated with Monday blues, a gloomy day to start a week after weekend. But for me, I will always look forward to Monday because it means a new start for the week. I will reset everything and try to be better from last week. I will try okay. I don't mind if anyone wants to read it or no. Just bear with me okay.

I hate being sad. okay. just to be clear feeling sad is okay. Maybe I hate having a breakdown. Mental and emotional breakdown. Which when something triggers you and the negative thought comes to creep in. Honestly, it needs just one incident. Enough for someone who starts to heal to feel the pain again. It is easier to put a hole in someone's heart when you're not the one who tried to cover the heal. I try so hard. I swear. The thought everyone else is better without you, the moment you start to wish for something bad happened to you so people will appreciate you, the point everything you do start to lose the soul and the mindfulness. Like a body without a soul.When you start to distract yourself but it is not good enough. People asking if you are fine but you don't know what to say. People want to show they care and being helpful but you don't know if help is what you need. I swear it hurts. Everything even the smallest thing is disappointing. you take a part of m...

I am thinking about this. If I don't have to buy cats supplies every month I might have 10 Converse. if I don't have to help my parents financially I might already get gelang emas or rantai emas by now. if I don't be a considerate girlfriend and ask my boyfriend to pay everything every time we go out I might be able to get the EDP I always wanted. If I don't do savings for the future I might have my own car by now. Also if I don't need to take care of my own toiletries, skincare, I might already change my phone every year to the latest model or if I don't have any financial commitment I might have my own home already? Does it sound overboard already? lol. maybe not a home maybe I might be able to go Umrah or go travel to the place I want. I just want to emphasize that everyone has a different financial commitment. If you can't be more helpful be more understanding. I always trust that our rezeki comes from Him. If it never meant for you it will ...